Daily Dreaming

Yet again, I’m at that point I’ve been in in so many blogs.  I’m bored.  Again, not with my job or anything like that, but bored with the monotony I always seem to find myself in.  I want to build a house for a family in need (random), I want to travel the world, I want to do something worth it.

I wake up.  I go to work.  I come home.  I work out.  I cook dinner.  I watch one of three TV shows I’m interested in watching, or read if said TV shows aren’t on.  I talk to Paul.  I read my Bible.  I talk to Paul.  I go to bed, only to wake up and do it all over again, with the only difference being my outfit for the day.
 

I know, shame on me for being so ungrateful for the fact that I have a life to live with unconditional love pouring in.  I’m thankful to have a mother and father who are gracious enough to pay my rent so that I can live in an amazing apartment; a luxury that I otherwise could not afford on a budding journalist’s salary.  I have amazing friends both here in DC and in NC.  Some I talk to more than others, some I wish I talked to more, but no matter our distance, I know they are still there for me.

My heart aches for my family, my grandfather, my papa.  Here I am complaining about how bored I am when he’s been “sentenced” to “live” out what’s left of his wonderful life in a hospital bed.  My heart breaks for my mother when she sits night and day with her dying father, a man who raised her but can’t even recognize her face when she leans to kiss his cheek to greet him.  His mind is so overtaken by the pain-killers due to the cancer eating his body from the inside out.  

How I long for the days when my sister and I used to take turns riding on the back of papa’s motorcycle.  I’m never going to get to go on a scavenger hunt in my grandparents’ backyard for the numerous golf balls papa would putt around the yard.  My hear breaks for my grandmother, my mema, because I know that she’ll never be the same.  I’m going to miss watching the sheets blowing in the sun-kissed summer breeze as they hung on the clothes line.  That’s how papa liked them dried, he would tell us that you could smell the sun on them.  I remember watching papa open his pouch of pipe tobacco for Anjie and me to smell, one of my favorite smells, second only to the scents of my dad’s spice cabinet.

So now I sit anxiously waiting for peace of mind and heart that I’ve been begging God to give me since papa got sick.  We pray for him to hang on long enough to see Anjie get married in June.  I pray for him to hang on lone enough so I can get home and see him again. 

For the past few weeks I’ve been feeling God pulling at me.  All I’ve wanted to do lately is engulf myself in His word, His strength and most importantly (and also the hardest to grab onto), His will.  Yet, it’s His will that gave me the one form of solace I’ve been able to claim, aside from my family and amazing best friend, Diana.  It’s only through God’s will that I have Paul to cling to, to cry to.  Often times when all I want to do is burry myself in a hole and cry, I simply think of him or hear his voice and the thought of tears become nonexistent.  His strength, heart and love are definitely God’s gift to me.  I just wish I could give some of that strength to my grandfather.  It’s Paul’s beautiful heart that has been putting up with the constant ups and downs known as girl emotion.  It’s his heart I fell in love with.  I just wish my heart wasn’t breaking so badly for everything else.  I wish we could all just feel better.  I want so badly for papa to sit up one day and not curse the fact that he’s still alive.  I’m giving what’s left of my heart to Paul, knowing good and well that God will help it mend so Paul can have the rest.  Now, if God could start mending the heart of my family…

This time last year I was longing to be done with school and be on my own.  Now all I want is to go home and be 10 years old again.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life_article.php?id=7173

Read it and be amazed!

Then know that the writer, the amazing Melinda Pearce is a dear, dear friend of mine.

As a wonderful end to my craptastic week, I had the best night chillaxin with Brett and Nickel Creek (www.nickelcreek.com).  Due to the lack of zooming capabilities on my cell phone, I have no post worthy pics to show, except a remarkable photo of Brett and Sara Watkins of Nickel Creek. Their resemblence is uncanny, especially in the profile.  Keep in mind, this is a cell phone photo, so quality is poor.

The show was phenomenal.  The opening act was a band called The Ditty Bops (www.thedittybops.com). Yes, there are real dippy bops in this world (a note to Ernest Owens, still workin on chicken tenders and blenders).  Nickel Creek went on around 10pm and played the best of the best for them, a little old a lotta new, even a little Britney Spears.  It was great.  Their encore was 8 songs long.  We didn’t leave the club until almost 1:30am.  Of all the NC shows I’ve seen…this was the BEST!  Thanks guys for a great ending to a not so great week!

NICKEL CREEK TONIGHT!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!!!

Remember that child prodigy known as Charlotte Church, able to sing any octave, key, note or range that could rival even the best operatic soprano in the biz…well, she’s all grown up now.  I can’t say that her transition from child wonder to New Pop Diva on the Block is the best change.  I’m a bit biased, I loved her classical stuff, I’m a bit of a fan of classical music. 

In her blazing attempt to be pop, she falls into the realms of those who dance and prance in next to nothing and sing pointless lyrics to “get people’s attention,” on her 2005 album “Tissues and Issues.” I am however, in love with her song “Even God.”  She does have one thing over the former pop queen, Ms. Spears, or Mrs. Federline…Charlotte Church can actually sing, though in her video for “Call My Name,” she makes the wrong choice of attempting to dance, leave it to Britney Charlotte, leave it to Britney. 

There’s really no point to this blog, I just thought I needed to break away from sorrowful topics for a just a bit.  Instead, I just wanted to rant a little on the downfalls of “growing up” in the spotlight.

Even God by Charlotte Church (www.charlottechurch.com)  Click the link, then go to music to see the video to this song as well as the video for “Call My Name.”

Even God can’t change the past
No matter how many tears I’ve cried
Yes, I thought this love would last
Who am I to question why, who am I

Darling when I’m hurt, that’s when I’m satisfied
Tell me what it’s worth to persue the Holy life
I can see your face even when I close my eyes
I can give you love even when I’ve been denied

Who’s loving who
Who’s fooling who

Even God can’t change the past
No matter how many tears I’ve cried
Yes, I thought this love would last
Who am I to question why, who am I

They try to break you, they try to steal your stars
If they ever take you, just remember who you are
They try to hate you just like some love bizarre
It’s a sign of weakness to be afraid of what you are

Who’s loving who
Who’s fooling who

Even God can’t change the past
No matter how many tearts I’ve cried
Yes, I thought this pain would pass
Who am I to question why…who am I…who am I to question why…