Daily Dreaming

Thank you Tim Jenkins for keeping me company. It’s been almost a month in DC, and my circle of friends hasn’t really grown all that much. I can say that my circle of Indian contacts has grown exponentially, but I’m workin on the American side. Tonight was just chillin with a fellow creekster in a big ol city, walkin, talkin, eatin ice cream, and an occasional bad joke from a homeless person. Nothing like a night in the city to make you think you’ve made the right decision about your life.

Next move on the agenda…London. It’s official, got the blessing from the parents and everything. Two years from now I’ll be ridin the metro, or “Underground” as it’s called there “Across the Pond” with the other bomb fearin citizens of cheery ol’ London, England.  Anyone wanna go with me?

Song of the day:
You pick…let me know what you choose.

It’s amazing how one day…life could suck beyond the telling of it, and the next, a complete turn around where everything seems to go the right way.  Two days ago I was sullen and somber, no jobs…well, not the ones I want…and apparently every song I listened to took me back to my junior year of high school where everything I heard made me cry.  Now, I’ve got three jobs to my name, two of which will surely take me farther in my career as a journalist, the other…a job that pays me in cash and clothes!

For the past two weeks I have witnessed an amazing turnaround in my life.  I’ve been diligently reading my Bible, journaling, praying, and pretty much revisiting the concept of being a Christian.  Now, at the end of the day, I look forward to the time when I get to sit down and it’s just me and God.  Before, I almost dreaded Bible study, I looked at it as a chore instead of a privelage to sit and talk to the one who created me.

I’ve been reading Psalms.  This time I promised myself that I wouldn’t stop reading until I’ve read all 150 chapters.  An empty promise many times before now, but I couldn’t bear the thought of fronting to myself and God, and quitting not even half way through it, like I’ve done so many times.  I’m not quite finished but, I’m close, closer than I’ve ever been.  It’s nice to read David’s word, to witness someone with absolutely unfailing faith.  No matter what he faced, he always cried out to the Lord in his times of need, and thanked God when life was going smoothely. All too often I think people (and I include myself in that generalization) are too quick to credit their good days to themselves, and blame God when stuff sucks.  Good or bad days…that’s when we need God the most, to keep us grounded, to keep us in the good days.  I think I’m finally learning that.  It’s about time… I’ve still got a long ways to go, but I’m working on it…

Song of the day:

Even Angels Fall by Jessica Riddle

You found hope, you found faith
Found how fast she could take it away
Found true love, but lost your heart
Now you don’t know who you are

She made it easy, made it free
Leaves you hurt ’til you couldn’t see
Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows
But, baby, that is how love goes

You will fly, and you will crawl
God knows even angels fall
No such thing as you’ve lost it all
God knows even angels fall

It’s a secret that no one tells
One day it’s heaven, one day it’s hell
It’s no fairy tale, take it from me
That’s the way it’s supposed to be

You will fly, and you will crawl
God knows even angels fall
No such thing as you’ve lost it all
God knows even angels fall

They get in the way of even the simplest of things.  They can ruin the happiest times and emotions…turning them into something unwanted and unwelcome.  By definition, expect means to await some occurrence or outcome, a high degree of certainty and usually involves the idea of preparing or envisioning.  It’s that high degree of certainty that messes things up.

We are told to expect the unexpected.  We are told to just go with it without expectations.  If it’s just as simple as a phrase or cliche, how come it’s the hardest thing to get away from.  My expectations are often times what make things worse for me.  I’m not talking one specific occasion of heightened expectations, just the act in general.  By expecting, I get my hopes up, or I lower my spirits expecting the worse.  Sometimes that proves beneficial, but more often then not, it’s a let down of exponential proportions.  After an extended time of unbalanced expectations, I start to wonder why I even started.  If I let them go, I’m not putting any one thing, person, whatever on a pedestal that is unreachable, that way, the let down isn’t so great. 

Sooner or later, I’ll be mature enough to take what I get and take everything at face value, without putting such impossible expectations on life’s bumps, bruises, accomplishments, and unknown, learn not to hide behind my ridiculous expectations.  It’ll be a lot less stressful, and make for not so somber blog reading.

Song of the day:

Hide by Joy Williams (www.joywilliams.net)

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they’re not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don’t have to hide
You don’t have to hide anymore
You don’t have to face this on your own
You don’t have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
Anyone who’s trying to cover up their scars
To anyone who’s ever made a big mistake
We all been there, so don’t be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You’ve been alone for way too long

You don’t have to hide
You don’t have to hide anymore
You don’t have to face this on your own
You don’t have to hide anymore

And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
‘Cause He knows where you are and where you’ve been
His scars will heal you if you let Him

You don’t have to hide
You don’t have to hide anymore
You don’t have to face this on your own
You don’t have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are

IF YOU READ THIS, even if we DO SPEAK OR DON’T SPEAK OFTEN,
comment with one memory of me and you.

THEN, post this on your blog.
see what other people remember about YOU.

Song of the day:

Let Go by Frou Frou (www.froufrou.net)

Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
‘Cause it’s all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you’re writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you’ve no idea what you’re like

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It’s al right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in 
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown 

So I’ve decided to write some real thoughts. 

I’m sittin on my bed in my new home of Germantown, Maryland, only a ten minute drive from DC.  Finally out of NC, but it’s nothing short of bittersweet.  Though I’m nothing but happy that my life as Tara, an adult, is finally taking off, I’m still sad to see my life as Shannon, the carefree college kid, has come to a close. 

I thought I had a better grasp on growing up but apparently I was wrong.  Reading blogs, facebooking, and browsing webshots is a quick regression into my mind set of missin the creek.  How could I not though, so many of my favorite memories happened there.  So many of my life experiences occured in that span of four years.  I know, I know, it’s time to get over the past and move on, but the people I left behind became so close that there’s no way I can’t miss them.

To that thought I say…Hello reality.  I’ve walked around DC numerous times already thinking “Shannon, here it is…your life, just waiting for you to take hold of it and go…”  It’s a scary feeling to know that I’m here making a new life for myself, a new circle of friends that will inevitably be compared to my Camels.  Sorry to those who are in my future circle, you’ve got tough shoes to fill.  As bittersweet as it is, it’s time to take off.  I’m ready to hit the ground running to my dream.  Though I’m not sure what that’s become now…Writer…TV reporter…International News Correspondent…Magazine Writer…who knows…we’ll just have to wait and see.

PS: I’ll always love my camels!!

And as always…
Song of the day: Having nothing to do with my entry except for the fact that it reminds me of when KT and I went to the JLC concert…just another memory brought to you by CU.

B-13 by Jump Little Children (www.jumphq.com)

There is a place for me, far, far away
On a distant moon, or on a silver screen
Wth the perfect life, where you never die
You just press rewind

There is a place for me, far far away
On a distant screen, or on a silver moon
Stolen late one night, with arms held high
Screaming take me away

I could watch you a thousand times
Row B, seat 13
Half a ticket, in the silver light
An entire universe between

There is a place for me, far far away
Someone else’s dream, or in a magazine
Posted over your bed, put your hands to your head
Screaming take me away

I could watch you a thousand times
Row B, Seat 13
Half a ticket, in the silver light
An entire universe between

I’m the only one around, not a sound
Just a breath of dust settling
In the flickering light

With the perfect life, where you never die
You just press rewind

Song of the day:

Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick (www.annanalick.com)

2 AM and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake,
“Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don’t love him. Winter just wasn’t my season”
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You’re all here for the very same reason

But you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe

Song of the day:

Cruz by Christina Aguilera (www.christinaaguilera.com)

I’m leaving today
Living it, leaving it to change

I’m leaving today
I’m living it, leaving it to change
See I’m leaving today
I’m living it, I’m leaving it to change
I’m leaving today (I’m leaving it to change)
Living it, I’m leaving it to change